“So you believe what you're saying and this isn't just a work of fiction?”

I was the guest appearing on the Franklin Pierce Show.  I was a big fan.  It was an honor for me to sit at the fake news desk and trade verbal musings with a master.  Of course, I had a few zingers up my sleeve, I'm the original dude.

“You should know that I've been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and I personally claim to be a professional bullshit artist.”  They bleeped that out in post production.

“So this isn't true.”

“I didn't say that.”

The large camera man blinked twice and swallowed hard.  I could hear him and I noticed his glare.  He almost sneered at me.

A woman in the front row was shaking her head.  Her eyes were definitely angry.  I've seen that look before.  Before someone was about to kill me, again.  I've been beheaded, disemboweled, electrocuted, drowned, and – among other things – crucified, twice.  You name it, I've experienced that sort of death.  Death and pain are nothing to fear.

The host paused for a moment as if to consider his next move.  Then he struck, “So you're implying that you're the present incarnation of our Savior, the Lord.”

“Yes and no.”

“Which is it?”

I just love to spread the Good News.  Unfortunately, they always hate to hear it.  I did come; I have come; I will come.  This is the first time I've been able to speak freely in front of such a large audience.  How will I put this?  I've got to be very crafty or this life will end too quickly.

Father, please help me craft my words so they may hear.

“There was no one named 'Jesus Christ,' but I was him and now I sit before you.”

“So you have returned and the world is about to end?!  Should I sell my stocks?  Maybe we should end the show right now and let these people get to their families.” 

And then, “Joseph, I know Jesus Christ and you're no Jesus Christ,” recalling then Vice Presidential candidate, Lloyd Bentsen.

The crowd went wild and cheered and laughed and pointed and shouted.  It was rejoicing and rebuking beyond what was seemly, considering the subject matter, in my humble opinion.

Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.

The host let the thunder subside and then continued, “So...”

I interrupted with a smile, “Tough room!” 

There were a couple of chuckles; Pierce was irritated. 

It was a tough room.

My name is Joseph Michael Winett and I am the present incarnation of who you call Jesus Christ, but I am also so much more.  Continue, dear reader, and I will provide you with all my keys – the keys to unlocking your past and destiny; the keys to our eternal salvation.

Father, please bless my reader as you have blessed me.

First, a note about the name, Jesus: it's the translation of the Hebrew name, Yeshua, and it's a common name, like Joe or Tom.  We chose it to pass along the idea that the savior could be anyone – just an average guy who assumed the big shoes.  “You see, being the One is just like being in love, you just know it, balls to bones.” [footnote: The Oracle in The Matrix]

Wait, what do I mean by, “We chose it?” 

Friend, the story of Jesus is a legend written by a few good people to pass along ideals without having to hit you over the head.  You see, at the time, ideals were passed on by conquering the masses.  We passed along some great stuff without killing but just one person.  We generated a huge political payload with little pain to the common man and woman.

More about me and my friends in a bit.  Right now, I need to tell you about our Father.

He's absolutely real.  He is The Creator.  And, He's your Father, too.  Your soul was torn from His side in the beginning of time and you have existed in His Universe since the inception.  I was who you call Jesus, the Son of God, the Son of Man, the Lamb, the Lion, all that, but I'm not special.  I am just a man with a soul given to him by God.  I am the original writer.  I was the original artist.  I painted in the caves.  I uttered the first words.  But, you did, too.  More later.

Contrary to popular belief, God is not self-important or otherwise absorbed.  He's a humble dude (can you believe it?!?).  He doesn't demand your worship, He doesn't demand your thanks, He doesn't demand anything from you except that you be the best person you can be – always and without fail – because you represent Him to His peers and He is counting on you not to embarrass Him at dinner.  But, He appreciates your simple gratitude for what you have – your intellect, your love, your charity, your pride – all features of your soul which He gave you so long ago.

God, thank you for my soul and the lives I lead.

Please take a moment now to kiss your children and say a little prayer of thanks for them and their love.  Love is an invention of God, made for our enjoyment.  He shines on High for our enjoyment.  Revel in His Love and pass It on.

I have millions of children and grandchildren – so do you.  I love each of them in their own special way, even the ones with bad behavior who deny my existence and that of our Father.

In your life, with your children, could you ever cast them out for being bad?

What makes you think our Father would do the same?

Do you believe in Hell?  Why?  Because someone wrote the wrong things in a book, so long ago?

You see, the people who wrote those words your worship were  (and are) not perfect.  We're still here, rewriting the story, to better serve you and Him, our Father, who art in Heaven.

For instance, I was misquoted in the statement, “I am the way, the truth, and the life, and no one comes to the Father but by me.”  It should read, “I have shown you the way, the truth, and the life, and no one comes to the Father but by emulating me.”  But even this is not completely correct.  It's skewed a bit from the truth in order to manipulate you to do good works. 

Really, everyone comes to the Father whenever they want.  He has all the time in the Universe and He can make a little for you!!  Isn't that fantastic?!

Father, thank You for the time You make for me and my reader.

But wait, what about sin?  More on sin later.

Finally, before we continue with the television show, a note about Worship and then one about Time.

Worship: As I said, I'm just a man, a dude with his pulse on the world.  I don't deserve your worship any more than your favorite grocer does – he has his pulse on the produce. 

Thank your grocer for the fine veggies and thank me for these words. 

You can help by spreading the Good News.  Perhaps you could buy a couple of extra books to distribute to your friends.  Perhaps you could tell my stories to your children.  Perhaps you could enjoy an extra day at the beach and say a little prayer thanking our Father for the beautiful day.

Time: It's all relative, baby.  Einstein was one of the original dudes is one of my friends.  For instance, you and I are sharing moments right now that others are missing.  The more you concentrate on what you're doing and the more you exercise your brain, the more time you are spending in between the clock ticks.  When people mindlessly carry on with their tasks, they skip ticks, hence the term, “Time flies...”

Here is a hint: The more time you spend thinking, the longer this life is because lifespan is measured in thoughts and not in seconds.  So spend every moment meditating on your thoughts, or mine, or God's, and you will live a longer and fuller life.

Now, spread the love before continuing, okay?

Not long ago was what I call, My Awakening.  It was a series of weeks where I became aware of my past and my destiny.  It was very difficult and I tried to lean on others for help.  That didn't work out so well.  I'll tell you about my struggles later in this volume, but now I want to pass along a story about the young mother and the little girl on the windy day.

You see, I was expending a great amount of energy during my meditation on a walk outside.  The heat I was generating was really incredible – it was uncomfortable to say the least.  To make matters worse, the day was a stunning, beautiful, and sunny one, but the sunshine was warming my skin a little too much for my taste.

In a few moments of selfishness, I blew the wind to cool my skin and my head.  It felt fantastic, so I blew the wind a little harder.

I was walking by a hamburger joint at the corner of 27th and Memorial in Tulsa, Oklahoma on an April day in 2008, around noon, when I saw a young mother and her three-year-old come out after having lunch.

They were on foot, like me, so I smiled to myself and took notice and rejoiced in appreciation of their journey. 

Thank you Father for our journeys and the opportunity to experience your Universe.

But, I was blowing the wind so forcefully that the little girl was being blown down, again and again.

What I noticed was that every time the wind blew the little girl down, her mother would yell at her to get up.

The mother did not assist the little girl.  She didn't hold her hand, she didn't say words of encouragement, she just yelled for the girl, “Get yourself up!”

I wondered what lesson was to be learned.

Did the mother want the little girl to be self sufficient or did she want the little girl to learn she couldn't always count on her mother?

Please always pick your kids up.

Brush them off, pat them on the bottom, and tell them you love them and you'll always be there to help them.

Your children always need you just as you always need your parents.

Consider please that you also need our Father.

Thank you for always being there for me, Father, and for my reader.

Franklin Pierce just said, “So...” waiting for my answer to the question of the world's end.

You see, Christians believe that the return of Jesus Christ means the world is coming to an end and all should repent immediately or forever hold their peace, so to speak.

“Tough room,” I responded, like a comedian who found the crowd unresponsive.

“Of course the world is not ending.  We ride in this Universe by grace of our Father and He is without beginning and without end – timeless, perfect, and wonderful.” 

Apparently a couple from Nebraska heard me and they offered up some tentative applause.  They stopped immediately when they noticed it did not catch with the rest of the crowd.  I appreciated the effort though and I make a special note of them here.

Thank you Father for the applause of Randy and Beth Kujak of Greenbrook, Nebraska.  They are true believers and deserve to inherit Your Kingdom.  May the love in their universe approach the splendor of Your Own.

Whoa, wait a second here, what do I mean by “their universe?”  Aren't we living in our Father's Universe?

We live in a number of universes at the same time.  You see, your personal universe is based between your ears.  Your children live in your universe just as you live in your Father's universe.  Your universe is what you make of it.  It can be heaven on Earth or hell and damnation.  Be kind to those around you and you will be hailed and thanked just as you should hail and thank your Father for what he has created for you to enjoy.

Your present reality is an agreement between your version of the facts and the Fathers'. [footnote: This is plural!]  By the Law of Free Will, the Father does not impose His views on you.  If you want pink skies, you can have them.  You just don't know it yet.

A note about my Mother and pink skies: No one made sunny days like my Mother, Cathryn.  The skies were pink and the clouds were always the fluffy ones.  The rain was always gentle.  The air smelled sweet like honeysuckle and the bees always buzzed along without bothering you.

Lunch was always baloney-cheese-loaf, but I loved it because She made it for me.

I don't know who came up with “killer bees,” but I'm trying to find out. 

Please think along with me, if we all believe at once that killer bees are friendly, they'll be friendly.  This is the Principle of Agreement and it is one of the cornerstones of The Universal Principles as designed by our Father.

That ends the excerpt, but one more thing: I caused the floods in Broken Arrow, Oklahoma in April by holding up time for all of us between 2:00am and 3:00am.  The clouds hung in space.  I squeezed the water out of the air like squeezing the tension out of my legs.  How can I hold time for some of us and let the Earth continue on it's way?  How can this fit into our theories of physics and time?  I made all that up, silly!  Sorry, you're riding along in my Universe, presently!!  Why do you think that E=Mc2 is so simple?!  Come on, fella!!!

One more tip: I used the tip of a stick to make the Grand Canyon.  In a demonstration of the timelessness of consciousness, I'll be changing a few details very soon.  I'll make sure no one is standing on the pieces that move.

Oh, I have time for one more: You know why I painted the Mona Lisa with half a smile?  So I could repaint it in the past with a full smile.  Soon, the ORIGINAL will change to a full smile and no one will be able to explain the change.  I will be the prime suspect, but there will be no proof.

These are signs of my “return,” but actually I've always been here and I always will be.

I love you - even you scientists who deny my existence!

Kisses! :)

By the way, I invented money to make your life easier, but I don't print money.  I helped you make money, so please donate enough for a sandwich to PayPal, joe@winett.com.  There is a link at the bottom of the page.  Thank you!

The scientist in you asks: How could The Dude need money?  Giving is a sign of your belief, silly!  Show you're on board and send me $5.00, okay?

Oh, and tell Jennifer Aniston that I said, “Howdy!”