2009

The “5 Years” Ends

Today is the last day of the five year period I am going to forever call, “The 5 Years.” By New Year’s Day in 2004, it was pretty obvious my marriage was over. I had been and continued to go off the deep end and made most everything worse. By May of 2004, my business […]

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The Reason I Do It

I hope the things I post here and on Twitter and Facebook don’t sound like whining or complaining or, God forbid, blaming anyone (even God) for my interesting situations. Everything that has happened has been a direct result of a choice I made. Even if I didn’t know exactly what would happen, I still decided

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What Men Think About

I think about more than sex and food.(Click image for the larger version) In this image, always worthy of special mention, is Jennifer Aniston. The image on the computer screen is from Quake 3 by id Software. The car is a Corvette. Science fiction is represented by Star Trek with an image of Seven of

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I Love Binary Numbers!

Most people haven’t thought very hard about numbers. I’ve always loved numbers. In the 5th grade, Mrs. Lamberson explained numbering systems to us. She informed us that the numbers we’re used to seeing are in the “base 10” numbering system. “Base” means the base of an exponential function. Each position in the number tells you

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CAPTCHA!

You may not know what they’re called, but you’ve seen and had to solve a CAPTCHA. The word CAPTCHA stands for “Completely Automated Public Turing test to tell Computers and Humans Apart.” You see, some people like to write programs to automatically access services across the Internet that the operators of those services would rather

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Dear Fruit of the Loom

Dear Fruit of the Loom, As you may have heard, I recently named Fruit of the Loom the official covering manufacturer for my stuff. Your lovely little pants keep my stuff contained and protected from the ravages of denim chafing, winter chilling, and the prying eyes of cougars. This letter concerns the pair of briefs

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I Quit Smoking

On my 40th birthday, my present to me was that I started smoking. That was almost 18 months ago. My Christmas present to myself this year is to quit smoking. On my way to work this morning, I smoked half of my last cigarette and then threw it and my lighter away. Merry Christmas, me.

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You’re Really Cool

I’m too self-obsessed, so instead of writing about me, I’m now going to write about you. I see you around town. I see you order your morning coffee. I see you enjoying your lunch. I see you playing with your kids. I see you walking your dog. I see you driving to the store. And,

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Happy Birthday Baby Girl

Happy birthday! You’re turning 13 today and I couldn’t be prouder. When you were little, you loved to hear stories about when you were even littler. The day you were born, I got a call at work from your soon-to-be-mother. She said it was time and that she was going to take a shower. When

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I’m in the 7%

[THIS WAS FORWARDED TO ME BY MY AUNT, WENDY. I’M POSTING IT HERE SO I CAN FORWARD IT TO MY 1440 FOLLOWERS ON TWITTER.] Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me… It is the most-requested column

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The Central Scrutinizer

In 1983, I had made some friends online on local bulletin board systems. A bulletin board system was a computer connected to a phone line by a modem. You would sit down at your computer and have it dial directly to the BBS system and connect. You would be prompted for your username and password

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Woman #3 Makes Me Drive

Believe it or not, I am licensed to drive by the State of Oklahoma. I’ve been licensed since I was 16 – for 25 years. My license still says I weigh 143 pounds, but that was my weight when I was 16. They always ask me if I want to change it, and I decline.

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Hello Little Man

Little Man, I don’t know if you remember much about me. I am your father. We last saw each other at a gathering to celebrate your sister’s 9th birthday. It was at a pizza and game place. Your grandfather, my dad, and his wife treated us all to a great time. We ate some good

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Who is Jennifer Aniston?

If you’ve seen more than four of my tweets then you have seen me mention Jennifer Aniston. This picture to the left is one of Jennifer Aniston. It’s used without permission. I’m sorry. Recently I’ve been analyzing my thoughts about Miss Aniston and trying to figure out why I have decided to like her. First

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When My Universe Ended

A few years ago I discovered a way to go crazy. I don’t mean that I found a way to get really excited, I mean that I found a way to meditate on a version of reality I preferred and make it stick for a while. Whatever I made up become the truth and it

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Evolution Isn’t Enough

I believe in evolution. I believe in gravity. I believe in God. The idea of evolution is that some individuals of a species find themselves with an advantage over their cousins and therefore live long enough to reproduce. Hopefully, some of the good stuff gets passed to their progeny and they find themselves with the

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A Half-Step Back

I’m taking an anger management course. It’s been really good. I’ve learned a lot. Here’s what I’ve learned: (1) There’s nothing wrong with anger. Behaviors get me into trouble.(2) No one can make me angry. Getting angry is a choice.(3) Anger is a secondary emotion. Some other emotion always comes first, such as fear, or

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Life in the Homeless Shelter

Dear God, thank you so much for the opportunity to stay at the Salvation Army. As you know, I’ve slept outside on several occasions and I’ve gone without food. These are inconveniences. Worse than going without creature comforts is going without human company. Please bless the people who stay at, manage, and support shelters like

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God Helps Find a Wallet

A guy in the homeless shelter told a story this morning. He chalked his good fortune up to luck, but I don’t believe in luck, I believe in God. His story goes like this: Two days ago, he was riding his bicycle to the edge of town. When he got back, he noticed his wallet

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Problems with Blogger

In case you haven’t noticed, I use Blogger for this blog. Blogger has some problems with both it’s new and old text editors. They both tend to mangle blog text. The newer editor is so bad, I won’t use it. If I use the older editor to edit a post, it frequently adds newlines (or

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Homeless, But Not Hopeless

I’m homeless (again). This post must be made in the 36 minutes remaining on my library Internet reservation. That’s going to limit me to just a few carefully chosen words. I need to be careful and use this time (and your time wisely). Here’s an idea for a story for your kids. Tell the Three

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The Most Screwed Up Scam Email Ever

Good Day My Dear Now we have arranged your payment of ($900.000.00) Nine hundred thousand united state dollars in atm card to be sent to you through western union money transfer payment: Yourpayment will sending to you by western union, the amount you will receive per day is $5,000, you will receive every two days

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Action Plan for Jesus

How will you know if Jesus returns? Every search on every search engine on the Internet will show only one result no matter the search parameters:Jesus is Back, Come Say Howdy The Big Guy has returned and he has a special message for you. http://www.Jesus.God When you go there, you’ll see an embedded YouTube video

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Scary Dream I Had Tonight

First there was Westworld. When I was little, one of the scariest movies I saw was Westworld. In Westworld, rich people pay to go to a park where they can experience the wild west back in the glorious days of shoot outs. By day, they wonder the streets and drink in saloons with robots who

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I Hate You, Life

Life, I hate you. You can suck my balls. Life, if you do suck my balls, I’ll still hate you, but I will put an asterisk next to your name: Life* *Sucks my balls. Life, you’re just a standardized test, that goes on forever, which will never be scored. Life, being alive isn’t an opportunity,

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Another Thought

My last post was missing an important element: Acknowledgement of the problems I caused you. I apologize for my behavior and I am sorry that I delayed realization of the home you wanted. I just told a little story about Trip to the Moon and remembered that you found a copy for me. That was

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I Had a Dream About You

I rarely dream about you, but tonight I did. You and I went out on a date. We were going to see some show at the performing arts center. I picked you up. You looked nice. We made it to the theater, but I had left the tickets pinned to my bulletin board at work.

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Billions of You Now Know Me

** I wrote this last year.   Welcome. “What’s really going to bake your noodle later on is, would you still have broken it if I hadn’t said anything?” By now, billions of you know what I have been telling you is true. You may not know how you know it, but you know it

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JoeWantsJen

I decided to continue my mission to meet Jennifer Aniston. I like Jennifer Aniston and I’m not going to apologize for it. Ok, I guess I have to admit that I like the image Jennifer Aniston emits. To find out if I really like her, I need to meet her. I am going to Tweet

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Mr. Eagle!

When I was in the sixth grade I won my first elected office. Every sixth grade classroom nominated one boy and one girl for Mr. and Miss Eagle. Grades three through six would vote following a presentation where the candidates would make a speech. I knew that the sixth graders would all vote for the

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A Book?

I’ve hinted on Twitter about some of the things I’ve done and been through. Some nice folks have been actually reading the stuff and even commented that I should write a book. And several even said they would BUY the book. I’ve been thinking for more than a year that I want to tell my

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Cathryn

Chapter 5: Cathryn A note about my Mother and pink skies: No one made sunny days like my Mother, Cathryn. The skies were pink and the clouds were always the fluffy ones. The rain was always gentle. The air smelled sweet like honeysuckle and the bees always buzzed along without bothering you. You could play

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My First Encounter With Angels

Facebook: Joseph Michael Winett In 2006 my girlfriend and I walked out of a Walmart and she was trying a bag of hot Cheetos and didn’t like them. I didn’t want them. She tried to give them to several people coming into the store. No one took them. She tried to give them to two

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