I’m convinced that some movies are made badly on purpose, like Ice Twisters.
Here’s the IMDB page.
I’m a computer programmer, by all measures a failure at that, and yet I know I could have saved this screenplay by just editing down the nonsense.
Imagine that weird ice twisters are breaking out in a three county area in Oregon. The three counties were evacuated by government order. Some scientists, who caused this mess, just had to abandon their camp/mobile lab/mission control/MASH unit because a twister was coming.
They regroup in a black SUV and head towards a town, wondering what they’re going to do about all this. They need to get some commands to their little robotic airplane things… BUT HOW CAN THEY?!?!?! THEY’VE LOST ALL THEIR EQUIPMENT!!!
They can’t call back to their main headquarters because the cell phone service is out, there are no phone lines, no electricity.
Joanne asks: “So how are we going to fix this?”
Charlie asks: “Gary?”
Gary says: “We only need a broadband connection.”
Charlie: “You guys see what I see?”
Damon, the driver of the SUV, and obvious corporate sleaze, pulls over.
Gary looks.
Gary rolls his eyes, shakes his head: “I’m not hungry.”
Damon: “No, Gary: He means the Wifi.”
Gary: “Oh, ummm. Yeh, it’s probably worth a shot.”
Charlie, in the back seat, makes a face as if to say Gary isn’t so smart for a lab guy, but I think it’s really the actor wondering how his career lead him to this point.
This isn’t even the funny part. I just love the look on Mark Moses’ face here.
And then he looks back the other way at Damon.
This movie is funny because of the screenplay. The acting isn’t bad. I’m impressed these actors were able to do it surely knowing what they’re saying doesn’t make a lot of sense.
Okay — I’m off the subject.
They decide that, sure, the need a “broadband connection” and (and) Gary thinks “Free WIFI” is “worth a shot.”
When you’re in the middle of a government-funded, science-caused apocalypse, free WIFI is the best WIFI.
So they pull the SUV up right next to the lobby door, open it up, and run inside with their laptops.
Damon: “Hello? Hello!?” Gestures in frustration: “There’s nobody here.”
Charlie: “Maybe they’re all in the storm cellar with Auntie Em.”
Joanne: “Enough with that, Charlie. Remember the mandatory evacuation?”
Charlie: “Sorry. Bad habit. Keeps me thinking.”
Gary: “I didn’t realize you were thinking at all.”
Apparently, the motel management was in such a hurry to evacuate that they left the doors unlocked.
And, Gary, who thought they might be stopping for some free breakfast before the world ends, accuses Charlie of not thinking at all.
He does this while he’s pulling out Ethernet cables from behind the reservations desk.
So he can access their WIFI.
Joanne: “What are you doing?”
Gary: “Well, hospitality’s a little slow here. Can you get that table, Damon?”
Damon: “Yeh.”
Joanne: “Phones are still out.”
Damon: “If the phones are out, how are we getting online?”
Charlie: “WIFI runs through the cable modems. They’re underground.”
Gary: “Give the writer a prize. Will someone turn on the lights?”
Charlie (trying a lamp): “Power’s out.”
Damon: “For peat’s sake. Well, come on, this is a motel. There’s got to be a generator around here somewhere.”
Joanne doesn’t look convinced.
I can’t wait to see what happens in the final 40 minutes of Ice Twisters.
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