Revelation about Attracting Money – Scientific Method May Bite Me (as long as it keeps leading to cool new engineering techniques and refrains from further fueling Apple’s crazed, subversive formation of the new world order, iGovernment — the helicopters are white, not black, silly crazy bearded smelly man)

From The Secret Daily Teachings, an email newsletter I receive from this lady’s site.

Is this a thought that you hold? 

“I have no money to give, but when I have money then I will give.” If it is, you will never have money. The fastest way to attract anything is to give it to another, so if it is money you want to attract, then give it. You can give $10 or $5 or $1. It doesn’t matter what the amount is, just give it. It doesn’t matter how much and it doesn’t matter where you give it, just give!

I’ve tested this and it works. My pet causes are homelessness and addiction recovery programs, so when those organizations are hanging out at Walmart, I’m always sure to give them something. Usually within a couple of days, new business arrives.

In your own life, surely you’ve noticed that it’s easier to attract love when you give it first.  And, the person you gave love to is frequently not the person giving it back.  And love multiplies because we naturally love those who are loved by those we love.  We’re more open to it, at least.  So, you give some love to the lady behind the counter at the coffee shop, another customer in there notices, she opens up a conversation with you, you spend Thanksgiving at her house, and her family gives more love back.  You’ve turned a gift of love to one, to the reciprocal times 10.

I’m not going to look up reciprocal.  It sounds cool there and you’re going to think I’m smart as long as you don’t bother looking it up yourself.

The teachings of the Law of Attraction are sort of a secular adaptation of the very stuff you’ll hear on Sunday from time to time. I know such a thing is somewhat distasteful to those of us who want to practice Christianity in close approximation of our understanding from the Bible, but I think such a thing is a good start for those who simply will not consider their positions relative to the divine because they have some beef with religion, had a bad experience with a Christian when they were 10, or think they’re betraying science if they start believing in something that affords no physical evidence, no matter how great.


Scientific researchers propose hypotheses as explanations of phenomena, and design experimental studies to test these hypotheses via predictions which can be derived from them.

Oh, cool, so a scientist takes a leap of faith based on past observations of phenomena that cannot yet be explained.  If his guts cry go, then he raises millions of dollars and toils away for a decade in wanton disregard  to the feelings of his wife and kids, all the while stuffing his face with wantons dipped in French’s yellow mustard (because it’s the only thing left in the carry-out drawer except off-brand ketchup).
That was quite a price to pay based on intuition.
A scientist would say that there are no prior observations of the works of God so a hypothesis cannot be righteously postulated. 
I guess when some guy breaks a world record and then on television thanks God first and his mother second, the scientist failed to observe that because he was too busy dissecting fully conscious tadpoles with cold stainless steel.
That particular scientist never watches sports anyway because a jock popped him on the back of his head when he was 10.  They accidentally bumped into each other in the hall.  The jock was coming out of an FCA meeting just when the future Dr. Mengele of amphibian nightmares was running to catch up with his pals from the Chess Club.
A scientist would say it doesn’t matter because not even a corrupt hypothesis about God could ever be tested with experimentation and further observation, the next steps espoused by the Religion of the Scientific Method.
I propose the following experiment to Mr. Scientist: For 30 days, always start your day by stating out loud the things you appreciate about your life.  Then on the following 30 mornings, thank your pillow for your good fortune.  And then on the morning of the 61st day, crack open a beer and laugh about how stupid it is to thank your pillow for anything except comfort.
It’s silly to think that your pillow brought you good fortune.  Heck, your pillow doesn’t even get credit for your pillow — it was made by someone else.  You don’t know who made it, but they did, and you’ve benefited.
Wow, Mr. Scientist, you’re thanking someone you don’t know actually exists except for the fact you have a pillow.
Scientists are amazingly dense about literature so they just missed my point: There is no one specific to thank for the quality of his life, except if he wants to take all the credit himself.
“I’ve built a great life here!  I bagged the perfect wife and found the best Chinese takeout!”
But, he can’t take credit for the perfection of his sexy baby mama nor the quality of the food.
Heck, as people of God, we can’t even really take credit for finding God — and we wouldn’t dream of taking credit for His greatness.  People who have found God eventually realize that He was waiting for us the whole time; standing on our feet, yelling into our oblivious faces while we were searching for hot mustard.
French’s yellow mustard is no substitute for the real thing, but it gets us through the day sometimes, xie xie!
A scientist would say that his own discovery of God through logic is not an experiment that can be repeated, so the hypothesis is not worth testing at all.

Hey Einstein: Ask ten of your colleagues to try it.  Oh wait, you don’t want to have wantons thrown at you.  Mustard can blind and scientists can only conduct science on things they can see.

Wait, can they see electrons?  Hell, an electron isn’t even an electron unless he looks at it.  If he’s blinded, then the whole universe might quite possibly come apart.

How did the universe come into being without an observer?  What forces the wave functions into particulate matter?  Come on Mr. Science Man, answer me this.

Oh, you better ask 20 of your colleagues to assist you.  10 of them thank their pillow and the other ten need to thank what they think is their pillow, but you’ve really replaced it with a placebo-llow… like one with inert filling material — the stuff that dreams are not made of.

If ten scientists feel ridiculous and ten don’t, then you’ve successfully demonstrated that scientists are idiots when it comes to the simple complexity of reality.

Heh.  Ok, the wave functions collapse when they interfere with the wave functions of other particles.  No “observer” is required to collapse the wave functions…  It wasn’t the looking by a human eye that caused the electron wave to create matter, it was the impact between the wave and the observation gear.  I know my physicist friend from high school (a really cool guy named Kevin) could explain it all really well.

But, I’m a guy who writes down bullshit and I thought that was wonderfully stinky for a few paragraphs there. If I had written than down just 1000 years ago…

Summary about the Scientific Method
Bite me.

You cannot find God when you already “know” he doesn’t exist.

Mr. Science Man, you can’t imagine how silly your position seems to those of us who don’t believe in God (we’re the people who know God).  Well, maybe you can by turning around your feelings about us, filtering out the malice, and then taking a close look at them before you tape them to your back.

I don’t believe in God, or gravity.  

But wait, I guess I believe in God in the same way my father believes in me (when I’m not being a nutball).  I know God exists because I know Him; and I believe he’s working for me and everyone else in the same way management makes sure the employees have what they need.  This Universe is an inverted pyramid.  To God, you are the most important thing and He’s here to help you have a good time.  He’s living through you.  The rest of it is all huge and pretty and powerful, but your are His glory and His light.

Class Action Lawsuit Against Those of Scientific Intolerance, Truncated Imaginations, and Distended, Inflamed Snobby-Bits:  We can’t prove our common experience to your satisfaction through science, but I think we can prove it in civil court to a jury of our peers.  You know, the same courts where you file your patent infringement cases? 

We the jury find that the preponderance of evidence, based solely on the eye, mind, and heartfelt testimony of 6 billion humans, to be in the favor of God and therefore award His people the sum of $1 plus attorney fees, may God have mercy on your textbooks.

God doesn’t punish textbooks, tadpoles, or people for believing in anything but Him.

Heck, worship your stainless steel — it doesn’t hurt His feelings, much.  He’s the six billion and first person who knows what you gave up to be right; sad, but wonderfully independent!!

Richard Dawkins says you’re a fool unless
you’re buying the next round.  Then he
withholds judgment until he finds the bottom
of his pint.  Oh hell, you don’t even know Ted,
you dumb-ass American.
 Public schools, what a
bargain!!  Under God?  Are you still under
him tonight?  But the Earth is pointed the
opposite way.  There is no “up” in the Universe.
Fool.  Your good fortune can completely
be attributed to your excellent education
and the guidance of your parents, unless
those parents sent you to public
school or believe in God.  Fools believe
in God and it’s always the fools who
beget fools.  So, basically everything that
chaps my ass is God’s fault and you’re helping
Him.  Wait, he’s imaginary.  Damn it.

Congratulations!!  You win!!  You’re going to TED with Ted from the physics department.  I hope you don’t run into Joe, the philosophy fool.

All hail Richard Dawkins!!

When you’re dead, you’re going to kick yourself for turning down all that bliss and easy abundance, but God is going to tell you that you did a great job on your own and he admires you for what you accomplished.  
That’s what he told Hemingway!
Preacher Man, Defender of Amphibians and Small Creatures of the Less Slimy Kind, continues…

We’re all in God’s path and He is in ours, but those who do not take a small leap of faith will usually not notice that someone invisible is standing on their feet.

I tried to get into God through the conventional channels when I was young and then again and again as I grew up, but I just couldn’t reconcile what I knew to be true about our past with what was condensed into the symbolism of the Bible.  

It didn’t help that I had people telling me it was all literally true.  It’s hard to take someone seriously who says everything was really created in six days, 5000 years ago, when you’re a kid who doesn’t yet have the ability to read between the lines because you really had not done much reading at all.  
Let’s rewrite Genesis expounding scientifically discerned theories and release it as the New International Scientific Version.  It’ll just be $149.95 + $45 shipping, new from Amazon, or $0.99 + $200 shipping from JoeLovesSteamRice42 on eBay, used but in good condition.
My that was fun to write.  Jesus, did I just put in a personal note?  I broke the fourth plane.  Movie people.  Sheesh.  In a book you can write whatever the hell you want.  If they don’t like it, they can just take a joke downtown and see how Sammy likes it.  Sammy likes jokes.
Preacher Man, Wanting to be Son of a Preacher Man if he may dance with Uma Thurman, continues.  And by “dance,” he doesn’t mean dance.


Being “bored” is not an illness, it’s a weakness.  


Entertaining yourself takes practice, young Luke Skywalker.  

“But with the blast shield down, how am I going to entertain myself?”  

“Shut up, brat, and use your imagination.”  

Some of my best journeys were completed with my blast shield down because God is completely unseen by the eyes.

This incident was not just pulled out of writer-director Quentin Tarantino’s ass (until he put it there, eww).  

This sort of screw up between cocaine and heroin happens all the time… It’s happening right now, just a quick drive from your house.  Maybe it’s happening upstairs, I don’t know.  

Both drugs may kill you eventually, but mixing them up will kill you today.  🙁

Enough Drug Horror

Uma was saved by enjoying a nice stabbing to the heart by John Travolta with a large-bore, adrenaline pumping, hypordermic  needle.  Heck, I might trust John Travolta to fly an airplane, but I wouldn’t let him stab me in the heart, nor would I giggle while he tells me about his accomplishments through Scientology.

Don’t suck my brain out!!!!

[continuing from way back before I started lusting over Uma Thurman]

I also was ignoring the corrections Jesus Christ made to…

Wait, one more lusting time.  That’s rude.  Let me finish that thought for you, firstly.

[starting again from before when the lusting balked most blueish]

So who gets credit for Uma Thurman?
I guess her parents did a complete
genetic workup on each and every sperm
and the egg.  Obviously, they selected the sperm
that would have made the perfect
compliment to the egg,
resulting in this beauty who’s just
two years younger than I am
one fantastic inch taller.
Heck, her parents don’t even get
credit for meeting one another.
They also don’t get credit for their own DNA.
I guess pure chance gets the credit.
My eyes are the big winners
in the universal casino
where eventually
bullshit walks
given the proper conditions
over billions of years.
Uma Thurman was a given,
a known quantity,
just waiting for her moment,
waiting for five Aces.
If she wasn’t born in 1970,
then she surely would  have been
by the year of Our Lord, 2,171,970.
Wait, the world is ending
next year, right?
I mean,
the Mayans quit counting years
at 2012.
Look at the calendar
in your checkbook.
See that last year?
The world REALLY ends on
January 1st of the very next year.
I suggest you party like
you wish it was 1999.
You still have a 1999 calendar, right?
We didn’t exist, silly.
You just think you remember it all.

I also was ignoring the corrections Jesus Christ made to the System of God in the New Testament because I just couldn’t get past Exodus, Numbers, and Joshua.

 I do believe I said out loud that any god that pulls that crap may simply smite me now because I’m not bowing no matter how terrible the imaginary threat.

I might have said suck my %4##$.  And, as usual, my balls were not $^(~3&.

I should have worked as a cipher officer (for the Nazis).

I’m No Christian

I’m sure by now anyone who’s read my stuff knows I’m not a Christian. I said a couple of years ago to one great Christian guy I know that I really loved Jesus Christ because his character is the closest approximation to God’s actual personality.

I mean, what’s the biggest irritation expressed about Christians by the conservative Right in the United States? That most Christians just will not fight back against the Left, eye for eye, tooth for tooth.

A real Christian would rather suffer a little Left-wing insanity than stoop to being ugly about it.  Well, until they come to pry the guns out of our cold, dead fingers.  Then we’re going to rise up!!!  And forget the whole thing because we would have quickly gotten on with Our Life.  We’ll see you soon, Pinko!!

A hardcore Christian during the Apocalypse will take a bullet in the head rather than renounce his loyalty to Jesus Christ.

I believe that the loyalty Christians feel to Him is really to a doppelganger for God himself.  With their faces, the human race communicates their most important information.  Every human on the planet smiles when they’re happy.

It’s hard to imagine the real God smiling because the real God doesn’t have a face.  That why you were born — to dream Him a face, to dream Him a heart.


The last book of the Bible was written by Saint John, sometimes called the Book of the Revelation of Jesus Christ. Translation: This is very serious.

The prologue: 

The revelation from Jesus Christ, which God gave him to show his servants what must soon take place. He made it known by sending his angel to his servant John, who testifies to everything he saw—that is, the word of God and the testimony of Jesus Christ. Blessed is the one who reads aloud the words of this prophecy, and blessed are those who hear it and take to heart what is written in it, because the time is near.

So John had a vision and he attributed it to Jesus Christ himself (via a messenger angel).

Those are serious words because John said so, and Christians take John at his word.  They do so because he wrote The Gospel According to John, called John.  NO!!  PSYCH!!!  No one knows who wrote down these words:

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

The Book doesn’t actually disclose that it’s based on the testimony of John the Apostle, but that’s what the early Church assumed based on a claim of some up-and-up manGod-man-love, or beBROloving.

The phrase the disciple whom Jesus loved (Greekο μαθητης ον ηγαπα ο Ιησουςo mathētēs on ēgapa o Iēsous) or, in John 20:2, the Beloved Disciple (Greekον εφιλει ο Ιησουςon ephilei o Iēsous) is used five times in the Gospel of John,[1] but in no other New Testament accounts of JesusJohn 21:24 claims that the Gospel of John is based on the written testimony of the “Beloved Disciple”.

Wow, lightning didn’t strike.  Of course, I’m not writing this in May.

Much of what is written in the Revelation will never happen that way.  It’s a warning, yes.  And it’s an end game, a climax, for humans that need a rockin’ story!!  🙂

Love you!!


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