Dear David,
In 2007, I approached you about a job and you treated me to a steak lunch. Thank you very much.
The job didn’t work out, but I returned one evening to ask you to make a contribution to my Presidential campaign fund for 2008.
You declined. Smart move. I couldn’t have beaten Obama, or Hillary, or Romney, nor McCain. Nor could I have defeated that guy who rides around Tulsa with the huge inflatable penis riding behind in the bicycle wagon.
I was also quite confused.
When you asked how I thought I could win, I laid out the whole plan for you.
I told you that I would complete a 20 year vertical leap from zero to President of the United States of America, as an independent and that I would serve only one term and then go eat my ice cream.
I asked what you thought and your reply was, “I think you believe you’re the second coming.”
I am coming, but I’m not the second and I won’t be the last.
People like me have always come along and we’ve done some pretty cool things, for none of which can we take credit. And, you know us because we do not try to claim it.
I’m not Jesus Christ.
And, for the record, I don’t believe He was either.
But Jesus Christ is a fact, ask any one of the billions of your friends.
What he WAS, I don’t know. I know what HE IS.
Many will believe that this is the greatest publicity stunt of all time… It could lead to billions in revenue for books, movies, and Little Joe Man action figures.
But it won’t.
I probably won’t collect a dime for any of these stories, but it’s a much better story that way.
It will be said that I don’t want money, that I want power.
A few will be terrified of me because they think I’m shooting for heights above the White House.
Some simply will not tolerate it.
You will have a chance to tell the story and I urge you to tell it at the most damaging time. Use your judgement.
Your witness will be the straw that breaks my campaign’s back… the first time.
I’ll die before the second time, but it won’t be an assassination.
And the fact that I’m still actually on the ballots and making public appearances will make the second time sort of hard to pull off, but I’m hopeful.
Much Love,
Joseph Michael Winett.
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