My New Imaginary Girlfriend

Unfortunately, Jennifer Aniston is taken, so taken that she’s not even suitable for an imaginary girlfriend anymore.

I’ve come to the conclusion that my recent girl craziness is more than just a midlife crisis, it’s an understanding that I won’t try to succeed for myself, for my children, or for the huddled masses whom I could help with money. I understand that I’m only likely to try to achieve anything to keep up with the attitudes, desires, and down right get-after-it-ness of a female human being (who can tolerate me).

So, I need to pick out a new imaginary girlfriend because I’m pretty sure a real one just isn’t out there.

I’m not going to look to see if any of these ladies are taken, because (a) it makes no difference, and (b) if they’re taken then they can’t be my imaginary girlfriend.

I’d first like to say that while this planet is way beautiful, and the stars are beautiful, and whatever is happening (happened) out there that the Hubble captures is beautiful, there’s nothing more beautiful than the one woman on the planet who can tolerate you… In my case, that number is less than one.

So, here goes:

Jassica Alba. Yes, mam.

Isabella Rossillini – We were both born on June 18th.

Paul McCartney – He’s not going to be my imaginary girlfriend, but he, too, was born on June 18th. Respect.

The War of 1812 is also not going to be my imaginary girlfriend, but it started on June 18th, 1812 (200 years ago).

The Battle of Waterloo, Belgium, was fought on June 18, 1815. June 18, is a great day to die. Napoleon was defeated at Waterloo. Napoleon is not my imaginary girlfriend.

This girl cannot be my imaginary girlfriend because I don’t know who she is. But, she’s much more entertaining than boring stories about a war and a battle and Paul McCartney (put together).

This one was hard to put in here… and I won’t say who she is. Why is she so attractive? She hates me!! 🙂 And my problem is under-achievement and this lady is all about achievement — pulling off amazing stunts of labor mixed with chutzpah. I admire her, in my imagination… But she’s not going to be my new imaginary girlfriend.