I’m sitting here at the end of my winter season, my internal winter. Outside, it’s still summer, but fall is on the way and the fall is my favorite time of year.
I stopped writing because I didn’t like to see the crazy. Then I decided I didn’t like to live the crazy and so I’ve taken steps to not be crazy.
DXM is what allowed me to live crazy, but it’s not the cause of my depression or the wavy nature of my brain. I’m currently under the care of a medical professional and take medications twice a day. I have to admit that things have been better. They’re not perfect, but they’re better.
I believe I’ve continued to self-medicate with DXM to wax-over reality and make it conform to a universe that I need. I’m an orderly person around my home-hold and I put things in their place and always back in their place and I almost never leave something to be cleaned up later and for some reason everything being almost the same inside my room comforts me.
But, I live in a home of chaos (relative to me) and in a community where things aren’t done the way I do them. I think that being here has been a huge benefit to my personality — because I was so uptight that I couldn’t really function in any circles except professional ones. However, now coming out of the fog, I realize I am going to have to deal with my own personal living situation.
I wrestle with issues involving what will happen if I leave my room for another city. I think the only resolution is to do what need to be done so that I can be productive professionally, which would put me in a better situation to help with things that need help around here.
For some reason I wanted to write this on the blog this evening.
The picture above is a picture of crazy. I suppose I’m the only one who knows why. It’s my art on the desktop background.
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