Online Marketing Double-Speak!

I love to sign up for these things and read what they have to say.  This one is pretty funny.
These are images taken from my browser window.  All of this appeared on the same page, in this order.  I’m skipping the boring parts.

I can hardly wait!!
Yep.  This is a good sign entertainment is on the way.
You can click on this for the original size.
Highlight: There is nothing for sale on this website.

Oh no.  I bet he’s going to tell me.

This quick story: He got fired, was sick, only had $500.  So, he started an internet marketing company.  Placed ads for work at home on the internet and collected 200 resumes.  He ended up paying people $5-$10/hr to do marketing work for which he was charging much more.

That’s right.  He selected his team and then went looking for work.
Click on this for the original, readable size.
He found the jackpot!  His first four marketing clients: a credit card company, a business consultant, a drop shipper, and a guy who wanted to sell bean bags online.

Ok, so he says his marketing business (he finds the leads ONLINE) finds him clients who fly him to exotic locations, like Denver, for free, all expenses paid, and they PAY HIM, too.

Then he follows up with some pictures.

Wow, this guy is a genius.  He turned $500 into a business that would rent him Hummers, fly him to visit the Grand Canyon, Malibu beaches, and big ass trees.  Lots of marketing consulting is done in national parks and on beaches.

I want what he’s got.

How can I get it?

Oh wait, more about his personal life.

Awesome.  The kids were home, marketing.

He says his system “allows” his average client to spend $15k/yr with him.
Some are spending $50k/yr!

You sure it’s not $173,000,000,000.95?
Is it?
Whew.  I was worried.
It wasn’t?
You did?
Wait, I thought you were marketing services, SEO and marketing planning services.  That was bad?
You switched to marketing “company growth” or “marketing company” growth?
Mr. Client, I’m not selling marketing services, I’m selling company growth services.
Wait, that’s still a service.
I’m so confused.  Thank GOD nothing is for sale on this website.

Yes, this is his graphic of “World Class Training”
Click for the original size.
Summary: He’s going to train you for a week in Orlando, Florida.
You’ll have 24×7 access to the training area.
I think the catch is you have to spend a week with him in Orlando, Florida.
Dang it.
Price??  There’s a price but it’s not for sale??
That sounds official.
I’m thinking about it.
Click for original size.
Summary: Electronically sign the NDA.  He had four sets of buttons for this thing.
He signs the letter.  Then, this P.S. (click)
Summary: Do not email or contact him unless you have been personally invited and have signed the NDA.
Click for original size.
Summary: In the P.P.S. he does sort of name his price.  It’s a minimum $4000 deposit — the remainder can be financed.
And then, at the very bottom, he does take credit cards.
I did click on the electronic NDA thing.  It’s a standard non-disclosure agreement followed by a form in which you give him your personal details.
I’m filling it out, of course.  

Well, he can sue me.

I’m going to disclose that his business plan is hardly proprietary — it’s a pitch that looks like a business plan with charts and graphs and spreadsheets that say I’m going to make lots of money.

I won’t tell you the exact investment required, but will say it’s the first cheesy figure below $10,000 plus 95 cents.


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