Happy Birthday, Baby J!

Happy Birthday, Baby J.

I hope you’re having fun today and that everyday to come will be a good one.  I hope you have a positive mental attitude that will carry you through the rough days and that you’re able to find the silver lining.

14 years.

My happiest days ever are associated with you.  In 1996, when you were a bump in your mommy, I remember sitting in the living room and realizing that nothing was wrong, everything was right, that I felt good and I was actually happy.  I didn’t remember ever feeling happy.

After you were born, your mother and I were a little stressed out and tired, but we stared at you while you slept and laughed with you while you played and you took naps on me and we smiled a lot.

Remember when your brother came?  Then all three of us stared at him while he slept and laughed with him while he played and he took naps on me and we smiled a lot.

You both pooped on me.  Your brother’s talent for shooting stuff across a distance will go down in history as one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen.  I think I threw the t-shirt away.  He was only underestimated that one time.

If I could go back, there are things I would do differently.  I wouldn’t be living with you, your brother, and your mother, but I sure wish we were seeing each other.

Happy Birthday!

Last year: Happy Birthday Baby Girl!

I hope you find this.  I won’t be able to use your name anywhere on the Internet for a couple more years.  I also won’t be sending you anything or having any contact with you.  This isn’t an excuse, but an explanation.  If you’ve spent much time reading the mess in my blog, you know that this is all my fault.  I’m morbidly unhappy about all this and angry with myself at all times.  I’d like to tell you that I’ve done something with myself during this time away and that I have great things to tell you when we’re together, but I don’t.  I haven’t learned anything great.  I’m unable to provide shelter for myself again.  Some will say I’ve been unwilling to do so.


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