The Universe Is Between Your Ears

  • My favorite Amendment to the United States Constitution is the First. Way back in December, like on the 21st, Tulsa District Court Judge Mark Barcus: COURT ORDERS THAT DEFENDANT NOT TO USE PLAINTIFF OR CHILDREN’S NAMES ON ANY INTERNET POSTINGS.…

  • Okay, this beautiful turkey bagel, sporting the aforementioned turkey, a little baby swiss, a little cream cheese, and wasabi horseradish, is nothing like the turkey bagels #1 makes, but it got me thinking. I’ve said many times that I still…

  • I was enlightened when I watched The Emperor’s Club tonight. Here is the Wikipedia page. Memorable quotes: “A man’s character is his fate.” – Heraclitus “The end depends upon the beginning.” – Said to be the motto of the school…

  • I am enjoying a tall glass of Coca Cola. The most important ingredient in Coke, the magic, is the purified water. Everything goes better with clean water. Coke is not involved with this project, as far as I know. I…

  • I love my babies. Some of the images in this montagewere sourced from http://graphicchick.com I was up early this morning, about 1:30am. I worked and played until about 3:30 and then went back to sleep. I had a dream. In…

  • This is an ad I clicked on Facebook this morning: Which brings this mess up (click the image for a larger image — you will not be taken to their site) It’s just a scam thing. They’re selling Adobe Photoshop…

  • I recently got to spend some time with one of my favorite people. I named her “Canada” years ago because she’s from Canada. She sniffed the air, and then took a whiff of me, and then said I smelled like…

  • I don’t like smoking. I don’t like cigarette smoke. I don’t like that my car smells like smoke. I don’t like that I smell like smoke. Smoking is really, really nasty. Nicotine is a gross drug anyway. There is almost…

  • If you think you have to be like 22 years old to be a porn star, think again!! The first step is getting over your inhibitions. Make a bunch of silly poses in the mirror and write funny captions! Invite…

  • This is the ridiculously old, and inefficient, no doubt, thermostat in my apartment. I set in on 80 and end up being cold. Trust me, I’m not comfortable at 80 degrees. I generate too much heat to sit around in…

  • Information on this blog will appear, then possibly be edited without notice, then sometimes just disappear. If you saw something stated one way, then that way was possibly how you were intended to see it. If you see it stated…

  • You might remember this woman, Jessica Alba, from my post, Girl Crazy, in which I say that I’m sure she was genetically engineered. The only reason she’s posted here again is that I ran across this picture when I searched…

  • This guy to the left is one of my favorite people. He’s still out there, you know. One of my favorite activities is to decide what I would say to guys like this if they were suddenly transported to the…

  • Click here to find out what that bastard on the left is. In case you haven’t noticed, I have multiple personalities. When I decide what to do, I give speeches in my head and refer to myself as, “we.” “We…

  • My birthday is June 18.  I am a Gemini. Geminis are famous for having dual personalities.  I have at least two. My two most prominent personalities are complete opposites. Joe seems optimistic, but optimism implies surety that things will work out…

  • Dear Grandma Link, Thank you for posing for this… kidding!!!  You’re much better looking and you certainly don’t need to make such a gesture to get your point across.  First of all, your points are always more positive, and second,…

  • I love this movie so much, I have stopped it 37 minutes in to post this blog. This Steve Zahn guy is awesome. Of course, I love Jennifer Aniston. But she’s a corporate art salesperson who wants to build the…

  • When you’re staying at the Salvation Army Lodge in Shawnee, Oklahoma, you’re required to do a couple of things in order to retain your welcome: 1. Get up on time.2. Do your morning chore.3. Get out on time.4. Be back…

  • Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in…

  • Tell me David Byrne’s not one of the best ever. Tell me. I dare you. This song was written with God, no doubt.  It could be called Ode to My Little Friends. Holy crap, when I listen to music I…

  • I signed up for Chinese lessons last week. I paid their registration fee of $85.  They’re sending me equipment to take the lessons on the Internet.  I’m guessing it’s a headset and camera. They’re also sending me a study kit.…

  • 21 was a movie based on a book about the MIT Blackjack Club, a group of students who were trained by a professor to count cards at Blackjack tables. It’s a true story.  They made lots of money until they…

  • That there is a Mexican Breakfast made by the men at  Sunny Side Up in Shawnee, Oklahoma. Three men work behind the counter cooking things.  There’s Gary Do, Sean (Grasshopper), and Dude.  I don’t know Dude’s name yet. Two ladies…

  • First, go to the Phoenix Asian Diner in Shawnee, Oklahoma. They’re open!! Find a seat. Decide what kind of sushi you want. If you’re extremely fortunate (and I always am) then Vivian will bring you the kind of sushi you…

  • I’m ridiculous. You’re stupid. Q: How is Donald Trump a racists? A: You’re either gaslighting me or you are too stupid to pay attention. Q: How can you influence people while calling them stupid? A: I’m not trying to influence…

  • For a while now I’ve been producing art on my computer using a program called The Gimp, http://www.gimp.org/. It’s a bitmap editing tool with layer features, transforms, and filters. I’ve been looking for a way to make money with the…

  • ** I wrote this last year.   Welcome. “What’s really going to bake your noodle later on is, would you still have broken it if I hadn’t said anything?” By now, billions of you know what I have been telling…

  • I rarely dream about you, but tonight I did. You and I went out on a date. We were going to see some show at the performing arts center. I picked you up. You looked nice. We made it to…

  • Life, I hate you. You can suck my balls. Life, if you do suck my balls, I’ll still hate you, but I will put an asterisk next to your name: Life* *Sucks my balls. Life, you’re just a standardized test,…

  • First there was Westworld. When I was little, one of the scariest movies I saw was Westworld. In Westworld, rich people pay to go to a park where they can experience the wild west back in the glorious days of…

  • (1) Condescension – Nothing makes you feel better than implying other people are stupid. I know you’re an expert. Your blog told me.

  • See this list built by CNN.com. On September 11th, 2001, I was getting ready for work, shaving, when my wife (now known as #1) came in and said there had been an accident in New York. I walked into the…

  • Good Day My Dear Now we have arranged your payment of ($900.000.00) Nine hundred thousand united state dollars in atm card to be sent to you through western union money transfer payment: Yourpayment will sending to you by western union,…

  • I’m homeless (again). This post must be made in the 36 minutes remaining on my library Internet reservation. That’s going to limit me to just a few carefully chosen words. I need to be careful and use this time (and…

  • In case you haven’t noticed, I use Blogger for this blog. Blogger has some problems with both it’s new and old text editors. They both tend to mangle blog text. The newer editor is so bad, I won’t use it.…

  • A guy in the homeless shelter told a story this morning. He chalked his good fortune up to luck, but I don’t believe in luck, I believe in God. His story goes like this: Two days ago, he was riding…

  • Dear God, thank you so much for the opportunity to stay at the Salvation Army. As you know, I’ve slept outside on several occasions and I’ve gone without food. These are inconveniences. Worse than going without creature comforts is going…

  • I believe in evolution. I believe in gravity. I believe in God. The idea of evolution is that some individuals of a species find themselves with an advantage over their cousins and therefore live long enough to reproduce. Hopefully, some…

  • Your web browser does not maintain a connection to the server between page loads. When you go to a site, a new TCP connection is made to the web server to request the page. Once the page is sent, the…

  • I had a burger basket today in a diner. Yes, I asked for the mustard setup and not the mayonaise!! I’m a psycho, not a nut. What is a burger basket? It’s a burger and some fries, served in a…

  • A few years ago I discovered a way to go crazy. I don’t mean that I found a way to get really excited, I mean that I found a way to meditate on a version of reality I preferred and…

  • My daughter’s 13th birthday is coming up this month. The last time I got to see her and my son was at one of her 9th birthday events. My dad and his wife treated the kids, their mother, and I…

  • It’s been three weeks since I wrote the blog entry, Life in the Homeless Shelter. I think you deserve an update on what’s been happening. Dan the Canadian world traveler is still working at the grocery store. He enjoys his…

  • I just saw the 2009 movie by Quentin Tarantino called Inglorious Bastards (or “Inglourious Basterds”) and was taken aback by my reaction. Spoiler Alert: If you have not seen Inglorious Bastards and you’re planning to do so, then don’t read…

  • If you’ve seen more than four of my tweets then you have seen me mention Jennifer Aniston. This picture to the left is one of Jennifer Aniston. It’s used without permission. I’m sorry. Recently I’ve been analyzing my thoughts about…

  • Little Man, I don’t know if you remember much about me. I am your father. We last saw each other at a gathering to celebrate your sister’s 9th birthday. It was at a pizza and game place. Your grandfather, my…

  • Believe it or not, I am licensed to drive by the State of Oklahoma. I’ve been licensed since I was 16 – for 25 years. My license still says I weigh 143 pounds, but that was my weight when I…

  • In 1983, I had made some friends online on local bulletin board systems. A bulletin board system was a computer connected to a phone line by a modem. You would sit down at your computer and have it dial directly…

  • Happy birthday! You’re turning 13 today and I couldn’t be prouder. When you were little, you loved to hear stories about when you were even littler. The day you were born, I got a call at work from your soon-to-be-mother.…

  • I’m too self-obsessed, so instead of writing about me, I’m now going to write about you. I see you around town. I see you order your morning coffee. I see you enjoying your lunch. I see you playing with your…

  • I’ve put up two posts about the shelter: Life in the Homeless Shelter and Life in the Homeless Shelter, Part 2. @Dogjustice asked on Twitter for an update. I am still living at the homeless shelter. Life continues as it…

  • This is the fourth installment of this series! Life in the Homeless Shelter Life in the Homeless Shelter, Part 2 Life in the Homeless Shelter, Part 3 There are some interesting developments at the Shelter, but first I must bring…

  • This is making its rounds mainly via email. Thanks, Dad.

  • Ok, so it’s the first day of The Better 5 Years. How am I going to make this 5 years better than the last? (1) I’m not going to sabotage myself. (2) I’m going to admit I’m okay. In fact,…

  • Three months ago, when I became homeless again, I went extremely girl crazy. I can’t explain it. If this doesn’t let up by Spring, I’m likely to go completely insane and get involved with one of these people. Oh, don’t…

  • I did last week’s post of beautiful women because I was experiencing intense girl craziness and thought putting together an article with some pictures would work that out of my system. You may wonder why I bother to post such…

  • I believe I’ve made a new friend!!!!!!! English Teacher Joseph, out.

  • I was asked by Eric Santos of 5 GUYZ BLOG to write a guest post. Their blog is written by five high school students, each “guy” posting on a particular weekday. Emily is not a guy, but she’s definitely one…

  • I was determined that my second attempt to kill myself would be a winner, so I bought a shotgun at Wal-Mart. The fact that the gun was purchased at Wal-Mart has no bearing on the story, but I wanted to…

  • “In art as in love, instinct is enough.” – Anatole France I don’t believe in love at first sight. There is such a thing as “interest at first sight” thought and I recently experienced that. But whether to love a…

  • I feel a feeling I have not felt in a very long time. Happiness. I am experiencing a deep, easy happiness. With my family history and with my freakish good health, I’ll probably live another fifty years. Until recently, I…

  • Ever since I was a boy, I have been one to hide under the covers. My imagination used to get away from me and I would imagine how terrible a monster in the room with me would be, and I…

  • I’ve made all sorts of excuses for you in my head and to other people. I’ve posited that you really are afraid of me and that you think you’re protecting our children by going through all of this. I’ve also…

  • On February 1st, Scott Bishop of Real Time Marketer started his 28 Days of Blogging. Then he issued a challenge to other bloggers to do the same: Blog once a day for 28 days and measure the resulting readership changes.…

  • 2048 Days, Oct 26, 2019… 2048 is a power of 2, like 1024, 512, 256, 128, 64, 32, 16, 8, 4 and 2 oh and 1. The other day I thought about this program when saw an ad for cigarettes……

  • “Coding can give ADHD brains exactly the kind of stimulation they crave,” writes one full-stack developer. “Not only is coding a creative endeavor that involves constantly learning new things, but also once one problem is solved, there’s always a brand new one…

  • While writing a blog post about Dr. McMurtry, my Introduction to Music for Non-Majors professor at OSU, I found out that he had died, so I wrote a letter to his wife accounting how much I loved his class. **UPDATE…

  • I only enjoyed one class in college.  It was a music history class for non-music majors at Oklahoma State University instructed by Dr. McMurtry.  This was also my hardest class, ever… and I’m more proud of that A than any…

  • Most people haven’t thought very hard about numbers. I’ve always loved numbers. In the 5th grade, Mrs. Lamberson explained numbering systems to us. She informed us that the numbers we’re used to seeing are in the “base 10” numbering system.…

  • You may not know what they’re called, but you’ve seen and had to solve a CAPTCHA. The word CAPTCHA stands for “Completely Automated Public Turing test to tell Computers and Humans Apart.” You see, some people like to write programs…

  • Freedom! This is the sixth and final episode of my extremely popular sitcom, Life in the Homeless Shelter. This episode opens with the word Freedom because I agreed to move in with Dan. If the rental people accept our application,…

  • My present for Christmas was to quit smoking. I returned that gift. I made it from 6:45am on Tuesday until 1:30pm on Wednesday. Pretty weak, right? What upsets me is that I’ve gone through all this stress over a really…

  • On my 40th birthday, my present to me was that I started smoking. That was almost 18 months ago.   My Christmas present to myself this year is to quit smoking.   On my way to work this morning, I…

  • This is the fifth installment of my wildly popular sitcom, Life in the Homeless Shelter! Yesterday had to be the best day at the homeless shelter, yet. Remember Tim hitting Tom in the leg with the broom handle? Last night…

  • Imagine a system like this: Joe’s BBS, type your password to login: taco Can you imagine? A system where you type in your password and then it compares what you type with everyone’s password and logs you in based on…

  • When I was in the sixth grade I won my first elected office. Every sixth grade classroom nominated one boy and one girl for Mr. and Miss Eagle. Grades three through six would vote following a presentation where the candidates…

  • I’ve hinted on Twitter about some of the things I’ve done and been through. Some nice folks have been actually reading the stuff and even commented that I should write a book. And several even said they would BUY the…

  • Chapter 5: Cathryn A note about my Mother and pink skies: No one made sunny days like my Mother, Cathryn. The skies were pink and the clouds were always the fluffy ones. The rain was always gentle. The air smelled…

  • In 2006 my girlfriend and I walked out of a Walmart and she was trying a bag of hot Cheetos and didn’t like them. I didn’t want them. She tried to give them to several people coming into the store.…

  • October 24th, 2010: HOLY FUCK!   What a terrible time I’m having.  Life is not fun… I don’t experience joy… My only goal is not to be homeless again… but I’m ignoring that goal and pretty much making sure that…